What Are You Afraid Of?

In the past 3 MONTHS since my last blog post (eheheh, so sorry everyone... it's been a journey and a half...) God has been working amazing things in me and through me. Like the song Oceans by Hillsong, my prayer has been that He would take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and that my faith would be made stronger.

And He certainly has been making my faith stronger.

Some circumstances between August 2015 and this past January left me with a hurting heart, that in turn led to a bitter spirit. All because I took back the problems I had given my Savior. I grew bitter and angry towards my friend and brother in Christ! What on earth was wrong with me???

 I will tell you what was wrong with me.

Fear.

Because of fear, I built up walls with everyone here on the land. Normally I'm the kind of person that would live in the moment with all of the people I care so much about, but this one situation caused a spirit of fear and anxiety to come into me and take deep root. I was back to square one. I was once again afraid of love.

But why? You may ask. No one else caused you pain, only your emotions, your personal thoughts and beliefs caused that.

But Satan will use literally anything to turn your heart from God, my dear friends. He will use every past hurt to break your current hope and cripple your faith. This will, however, make you determine how you will handle the situation: with Christ, or on your own. Proverbs 3:5 says to 'Lean not on your own understanding...' Don't think "oh, I'm just going to deal with this myself, because I'm afraid God won't pull through this time". My dear, He will always pull through. He will always make sure that you come out. It's your choice whether you'll be stronger in Him or not.

There was a point where I was so afraid to love and be loved that I would go by myself and sit out group activities, just be away from people/human contact. It hurt me, both spiritually and emotionally.
But why was I afraid?
God is the essence of love. He is love (1 John 4:16). He perfected love. So why would I, why should I be afraid of Him? Why would I be afraid of the only Light that could lead me out of that cold, damp dungeon of fear?
Because that is exactly what I was doing. When the Lord brought me to that place of realization, I was in total disbelief. I was literally being afraid of God!!! This silly excuse of a girl was afraid of the One who created me in His Hands, Who formed my innermost being, Who calls me child. What???

Needless to say, I did some heartfelt repenting right quick. I brought what was left of that battered and beaten heart to the feet of Jesus, and gave it back over to Him.
And He took it, replacing it with JOY.
He took it, exchanging it with LOVE.
Warmth.
I was human again, I was His human, His masterpiece.
I have claimed Jesus' cleansing gift over my fear. I have claimed ultimate forgiveness in my life, I have claimed the riddance of bitterness.

It's still a growing process, don't get me wrong, and I'll still hurt and want to give up.
But God will still take me back into His loving arms, wipe away my fearful tears, cuddle me and hold me close in His haven of rest He made for me, and restore my hope and life!

This boldness and new life God placed in me has been growing into a longing to do life big! No more cowarding away, hoping no one will notice I'm missing from the group.
It's time to shine!