Where Has The Time Gone?

Well, well, well.
Here we are, just over a year since my last post, and I have resurfaced in the world of blogging! I do believe I shall be blaming my multiple-month absence on a lack of wifi, an engagement, and the beginning of a new life with the man of my dreams through marriage.
I do believe these excuses shall do.

The evening of our engagement, July 17th 2016

March 30th was my last real post, so I guess I should update from the time in between.
On May 8th, my then-best-friend said the 3 magic words that can melt away hurt quicker than I realized. We didn't officially begin our relationship until about 2 weeks later, while Josiah was away working on cell tower maintenance. In all, we figured it up to a total of 16 weeks that he was gone out of our relationship before our wedding.

As hard as that was, I wouldn't trade it for the world. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, and it's so very true. Every chance we got to see each other was treasured beyond belief.

I met Josiah when I was a Ruby girl in 2015, the day after the marriage of Rashida Johnson and Jack Simpson. As soon as I met him, I knew that I liked him a lot. Josiah radiated passion, be it for God, for fitness, for his work, whatever. He was incredibly respectful, and very inclusive; we made our acquaintance when he asked me if I'd like to play spoons with he and some of the cousins. His love for God was something I'd never really seen in guys his age before, he was funny and mature, and... he smiled at me.
When I came home in September of that year, he made it a point to come and tell me goodbye. I still regret that moment that I didn't run after him as he drove away.
When I came back in November for a 'gap Ruby girl' position (I stayed for a week to help the new girl get adjusted, and to fill in after the other girl left), Josiah and I started to talk more. We started to hang out in groups more. At Breeze's Birthday Ball, he brought a chair over for me while I was watching all of the girls in their beautiful dresses and curls dance around. We sat and talked for a bit, and he asked me if I knew how to dance. I had promised myself some time before that I would only dance with the man that I would marry, so I told him that I didn't dance. He looked a bit offended, and just said 'suit yourself' and danced with his sister.

Cheyenne Toombs (close friend) and I at Breeze's Birthday Ball, Nov. 2015

Leaving was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. When I finally decided that I would be coming back, I asked God to please, PLEASE help me to come for Him, and for no one else. Not even a week after that prayer, Josiah texted me, telling me that cousins had informed him that I liked him, and pretty much that I didn't have a chance. It broke my heart, but I still had that urge to go. I knew that God still wanted me there, whether Josiah did or not.
Valentine's Day of 2016 I came home to Primm Springs for good. Josiah ignored me, and I searched for God's heart like never before. I spent hours each evening pouring over scriptures. My lunch breaks were spent outside with my Bible and a kitten. Every chance I had, I was in the Word of God, breaking apart translations, bookmarking, noting, commentary after commentary. It was the most peaceful time I had ever experienced in my entire life.

During this time, Josiah started to take a couple of his brothers, cousins, and I to a church service on Tuesday nights in Nashville. The Belonging Company became yet another source of uplifting in my life, and I made sure I went every single Tuesday, either by myself or with a couple of friends.
By the end of March, Josiah was starting to become a big part of my life- taking me to Belonging, going on hikes with his siblings, texting me, dropping by the Above Rubies office just to say hi and 'steal the wifi', etc. My heart was starting to hurt. I refused to believe that we would be anything more than friends.
Mother's Day weekend of 2016, I went to my grandparents' house to visit my whole family, who'd come to visit for the holiday. Josiah randomly called that Saturday night to tell me about the fireflies in the field behind his house, and invited me to go see Captain America: Civil War with he and some of the cousins. As soon as the phone clicked off with our 'goodbye, goodnight', Mom and I were giggling like middle schoolers. She and Dad both told me I should go.

Mother's Day Weekend, 2016

So back to Primm Springs I went on Sunday, a bit earlier than I'd originally planned, and found that several of the cousins invited were going to make it to the showing. It would just be Josiah, two of his brothers, and me.
After the movie, Josiah dropped his brothers off at their house, and we drove up the road to the Campbell home, where he had left his dirtbike. I had decided that I was going to tell Josiah that if we were 'just friends', then we needed to stop spending as much time together as we were, and I was going to be very firm about it that night. But before I could begin my little speech, he said 'I love you'.
I truly could not believe he had just said that, and I asked him what he meant by that (he had started calling me his 'little sister' or 'dear sister' some time before). He just laughed and said "I mean I love you, what else could I mean?"
It took a few minutes to realize that no, he wasn't pranking me!
We hugged, I cried a little, then he walked me to the door. I was by far the happiest girl in the world.
I called my mom first thing the next morning, letting her know that my dad could expect a phone call sometime soon. She started screaming and jumping up and down in the kitchen.

Later that week, Josiah was offered a job by a friend of the cousins', doing tower maintenance for a couple of months. It was a rough job, with long days and lots of driving, though it paid well. He accepted the job, and left the middle of May.

The day Josiah left for towers, 1 week after he said I love you ♡

We talked on the phone every night, read each other Bible verses every morning before work started, and counted down the days (and towers) until he got home. Josiah came home between runs, and we talked a bit about getting married, first thinking October 2017, then just saying 'forget it' and settling on mid-October 2016. We didn't want to wait a moment longer than we had to. He decided we could get engaged when the second run ended (scheduled for the middle of August); unbeknownst to me, he was sneaking around, talking to my dad, and choosing a ring before he even left.

July 17th, 2016, Josiah's parents invited me over for dinner. He had bought me a new dress for our 'dinner date'. After dinner, Josiah took me on a drive. We went out to Baker's Bluff on the Natchez Trace, and stood out on the overlook talking for a bit. I could feel his heart beating faster when I hugged him, and suddenly he was down on one knee with a ring box, asking me to be part of his life for the rest of mine. 

He had our cousin, Rashida, photograph everything without me knowing, and hid the ring in his cowboy hat!

He left the next day for more tower work, and within two weeks, God had provided us with a stunning venue and a gorgeous wedding dress. 

Josiah had made a joke early in the wedding planning that he would wait until the week before the wedding to get any of his groomsmen together to make sure that they had their clothes. Ironically, it worked out that it was a week before the wedding that they could finally get together and figure out what they needed. God had His hand in everything, and the wedding day was absolutely perfect. I wasn't stressed in the least, all of the bridesmaids got along so well, and it was just absolutely amazing.

When we said 'I Do'

Married life has truly been the adventure of a lifetime, and we're not even a year in. While we have little arguments over silly things, Josiah and I don't allow anger or annoyance to sit for more than a few minutes at most. We do whatever we can to make it up when we argue. He loves the Lord so much, and that love pours over to me.

Day after day, I cannot believe how incredibly blessed I am to have him in my life. Every little detail of him- from his height to his eyes to his work ethic- is exactly what I prayed for in a husband. He tries to put God first in all that he does, and it shows through the incredible blessings that God has streamed through our lives.

Sweet Ginger Chili Single Serve Soup

Single serve soups! Not much can beat 'em! (Well, at least not when we're talking quick meal fixes...)

I was definitely in need of a quick meal fix for one when I came up with this yummy Fuel Pull (We are just under the fat grams here, at about 4.5 grams, but only because I don't eat a whole lot of meat. Depending on how lean your chicken is, you may be able to get away with a FP with even a bit more meat, or you can just make it a full blown S!). Tender chicken blended with the savory Asian flavors of spicy chili and ginger, all coming together in about 10-15 minutes!

Ingredients

2 oz (or more; more may make it an S, though) frozen chicken

2 cups of water, plus more as needed

1 tsp red pepper flakes

2 Tbsp Hot salsa

dash or two of siracha (optional)

1 tsp ginger

1/4 tsp garlic salt (optional)

1 1/12-2 tsp dried minced onion

2-4 cloves of garlic, minced (to taste, really. I just love garlic)

salt to taste

1/2-1 tsp Gentle Sweet, or 1/4- 1/2 tsp Super Sweet Blend

Fish sauce or low sodium soy sauce to taste

Place the frozen chicken in a small pot with a couple tablespoons of the fish sauce/soy sauce and the water, and bring to a boil. When the chicken is cooked through, place it to the side; KEEP THE CHICKEN BROTH. This is your soup base.

Mix all ingredients in with the broth (minus the chicken) and bring to a simmer, adding water as needed to keep it from scorching, about 1/4 cup at a time. Let simmer as you shred the chicken. 

Add the shredded chicken to the broth, and bring to a boil quickly and turn off the heat, allowing it to settle on the warm element. 

I didn't have any available at the moment, but adding some Not Naughty Noodles to the broth would make this a lovely chicken ramen! Or add some fresh mushrooms, fresh chopped onion, and finely diced bell peppers to the simmering broth for more veggies. Enjoy tweaking this to your tastes, adding spices you like, and OWNING the recipe! 

Daughters of Zion

One of the many waterfalls

I was standing in the kitchen the other morning, and the phone rang. When I picked up the phone, I was greeted by the voice of dear Uncle Roger, a wise older gentleman with a knowledge and understanding of God that few people possess. "Is this the Daughter of Zion? The beautiful pillar in the palace of the Lord?"

Those words totally made my whole day.

Fast forward a few days, to yesterday. I decided I was going to go on a walk at about 5:00 that evening, and went to one of my favorite places, only discovered that day: A little place on a hunting trail about 1/2-3/4 of a mile from the Campbell's home, so peaceful and serene, complete with a waterfall.
Guys, I LOVE. LOVE. Love. Waterfalls. Like, so so so much. I could literally do nothing but stare at a waterfall for at LEAST an hour.

Anyway.

I was laying on the makeshift bridge/board walk over the trickle that is fed by aforementioned waterfall, and started reading from Isaiah. I started in chapter 49, and by the time I was half way through the chapter, I was reading it out loud. I read out loud until I got to 51:1, and I almost started crying I was so overwhelmed and excited and just filled with pure joy.
Isaiah 51:1 and 3-
"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness, you who seek the LORD: look to the rock from which you were hewn , and to the quarry from which you were dug... 3 For the LORD comforts ZION; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song."

Uncle Roger spoke into my life, reminding me that I am as the daughter of Zion in the Old Testament. See, Zion does not refer to any particular person, but rather a metaphor for Jerusalem and Israel. Daughter of Zion refers to the loving, Father/child relationship God has with His people. Having been grafted in as a child of God, I get to take part in the special relationship! What an honor, a privilege, to be a child of the King and a daughter of Zion!

What Are You Afraid Of?

In the past 3 MONTHS since my last blog post (eheheh, so sorry everyone... it's been a journey and a half...) God has been working amazing things in me and through me. Like the song Oceans by Hillsong, my prayer has been that He would take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and that my faith would be made stronger.

And He certainly has been making my faith stronger.

Some circumstances between August 2015 and this past January left me with a hurting heart, that in turn led to a bitter spirit. All because I took back the problems I had given my Savior. I grew bitter and angry towards my friend and brother in Christ! What on earth was wrong with me???

 I will tell you what was wrong with me.

Fear.

Because of fear, I built up walls with everyone here on the land. Normally I'm the kind of person that would live in the moment with all of the people I care so much about, but this one situation caused a spirit of fear and anxiety to come into me and take deep root. I was back to square one. I was once again afraid of love.

But why? You may ask. No one else caused you pain, only your emotions, your personal thoughts and beliefs caused that.

But Satan will use literally anything to turn your heart from God, my dear friends. He will use every past hurt to break your current hope and cripple your faith. This will, however, make you determine how you will handle the situation: with Christ, or on your own. Proverbs 3:5 says to 'Lean not on your own understanding...' Don't think "oh, I'm just going to deal with this myself, because I'm afraid God won't pull through this time". My dear, He will always pull through. He will always make sure that you come out. It's your choice whether you'll be stronger in Him or not.

There was a point where I was so afraid to love and be loved that I would go by myself and sit out group activities, just be away from people/human contact. It hurt me, both spiritually and emotionally.
But why was I afraid?
God is the essence of love. He is love (1 John 4:16). He perfected love. So why would I, why should I be afraid of Him? Why would I be afraid of the only Light that could lead me out of that cold, damp dungeon of fear?
Because that is exactly what I was doing. When the Lord brought me to that place of realization, I was in total disbelief. I was literally being afraid of God!!! This silly excuse of a girl was afraid of the One who created me in His Hands, Who formed my innermost being, Who calls me child. What???

Needless to say, I did some heartfelt repenting right quick. I brought what was left of that battered and beaten heart to the feet of Jesus, and gave it back over to Him.
And He took it, replacing it with JOY.
He took it, exchanging it with LOVE.
Warmth.
I was human again, I was His human, His masterpiece.
I have claimed Jesus' cleansing gift over my fear. I have claimed ultimate forgiveness in my life, I have claimed the riddance of bitterness.

It's still a growing process, don't get me wrong, and I'll still hurt and want to give up.
But God will still take me back into His loving arms, wipe away my fearful tears, cuddle me and hold me close in His haven of rest He made for me, and restore my hope and life!

This boldness and new life God placed in me has been growing into a longing to do life big! No more cowarding away, hoping no one will notice I'm missing from the group.
It's time to shine!

Relationships and Guys: A New Perspective

Yesterday, I had a guy give me his number.
Really, I don't see it as a big deal. All I want to know is three things:
Do you have the guts to talk to my dad?
Are you a Bible believing Christian who loves God more than anything?
How serious are you about this possible new relationship?

I've had guys ask for my number or give me theirs so many times, I'm almost used to it. I'm able to handle it a lot better than I could 8 months ago, and usually now it's the same response: It isn't worth it if my dad isn't going to be involved. And that is perfectly fine with me.

See, I'm serious about my relationships, both romantic and friendships. I try to keep in contact as best as I can, and definitely don't want any of them to feel like I'm taking them for granted. I'm more serious about romantic relationships (or rather, the possible romantic relationship; there's a lack thereof currently), because this is my future best friend for life, my defender, my covering before the Lord we are talking about! Why would any girl, ESPECIALLY a Christian girl, settle for some wimp that doesn't even care about God, let alone you??

I feel like when looking for the one, you first have to seek out The One. Your Creator, the One who knew you before you were even conceived. When you have your sights set so deep in God, you won't need to search for love. He will show you the ultimate Love.

Another thing about the opposite gender is that we often confuse attractiveness with attraction. There is a HUGE difference between the two, and so many don't realize it. The definitions are as follows:

Attractive- Pleasing or appealing to the senses; appealing to the senses.

Attract(ed)- To draw by appeal to natural/excited interest, emotion, and aesthetic sense.

So when we find a guy attractive, we look at the outward appearance. Maybe he has a cute smile, or that haircut just really suits him well. But when we are attracted to a guy, we are drawn to him for a deeper reason, through emotion and interest. 

Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have a relationship right now, especially since that's all it seems my relatives are waiting for.

But on the same token, I cherish my purity and the fact that I know that God has a perfect plan for my life. I know that now is the time to be treasuring the time I get to spend just me and God, unshared spiritual time (yes, it's selfish, no, I don't care) that I'll never have back. Also, it provides an opportunity for others to see that sometimes, God truly is enough. And as long as God is enough, that is enough for me.

Where Are You?

December 3: Where are you? 

Read: Genesis 3:1-21

We’re only two chapters in, and the whole story falls apart. Perhaps this is the saddest story in all the Bible. It is the part of our history referred to as The Fall — when we swallowed the fruit of sin and stumbled away from God. Tempted by that snake flashing scales of deception, Adam and Eve ate of the tree God had forbidden. They drew up fig leaves to hide their shame. And they knelt low to hide from God. And then it came, the gentle walking of God, the Voice that spoke the cosmos to life, He now calls to us, a whisper in the wind: Where are you?

Reflect:  What would you say if God called out to you now: “Where are you?”  What does it mean to you that God seeks you out and finds you when you are far from Him?

Pray: Lord Jesus, “The Fall” says it all, our life in two words. But You have so much more to write in our story — for You wrote Jesus into our story, who keeps whispering to us all of Advent — “Where are you? Please let Me come to you…”

As I was reading this devotional from http://cogmakati.org/COGM2015AdventDevotional.pdf, I was listening to Jeremy Camp’s Here I Am (I love to listen to worship music while studying). I got to the Reflect section, and as I read the words “Where are you?”, Jeremy sings “Here I Am”.

I just sat back in my chair in awe, as I had just prayed only an hour before that God would just reveal Himself to me, even if it was just in a small, subtle way. The fact that the Creator of all things would listen to me is mind blowing; the fact that He will answer, especially so quickly, is beyond humbling.

So, where are we standing right now? Not physically; I don’t mean standing in line for coffee, or sitting on the couch in the living room, or taking a quick break from work. I mean Spiritually, with Christ. 

Where are you standing?

Are you in the shadow of His cross? Are you walking so close to Him that the world has a hard time bearing your joy that comes only from God? Are you trying to be that close to Him?

These are all questions that I am desperately searching answers for. I am constantly checking myself, ever so critically.

Sadly, that’s not a good thing.

I have starting relying on what I can do, rather than on what God can do through me.

So, how do we change this mindset?

We have to *once again* die to self. We have to *once again* let go, and give our lives back over to Christ. We have to *once again* break down the walls of pride and allow our hearts to be softened by the everlasting love of Jesus Christ, and let Him show us where He wants us.

This isn’t a one-day thing; this is a daily battle. But remember! We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us. We can have victory, because He first had victory.

Are you struggling with secret pride and fear of not being a ‘good enough’ Christian? Tell me how you are fighting a winning battle in the comments! I LOVE hearing about how the Lord is working in your life!

Someone Worth Dying For

After having a huge mental/spiritual/emotional struggle the other night, a dear friend of mine began praying over me, over and over, that God would just reveal Himself to me and show me how He loves me.
Each of the prayers prayed over me that night revolutionized my walk with Christ. It was because of those prayers that I leaped. It was because of those prayers that I was able to trust that God would catch me.

It was also because of those prayers that God wrote a song through my pencil. 'Someone Worth Dying For' came from my realization that the love and grace that flowed the moment I was conceived was enough to cover my guilt, my shame, my fear, my pride. All I had to do was humble myself and tell God that I couldn't do it on my own.

So yeah! I am going to share with you the first verse and chorus of 'Someone Worth Dying For', and Lord willing soon, I'll be able to share an acoustic video of the song.

Someone Worth Dying For

Struggling against this deepening ache 

A chasm widening day by day

Too afraid to let go but

Longing to be free from this shame

See, God, I can praise Your Name

And I can pray for others, beg Your grace

But it took a night of brokenness

To give You all of the pain

Now here I am standing in a shower of love

It's pouring down heavy from Your throne above

God, You took all my fear in that moment of peace

You brought me to my knees

And showed me I am someone

Someone worth dying for

Never forget that you ARE someone worth dying for! The guilt and fear you have are not from God, but from Satan, and when you let go and let God, it makes all the difference! Love you guys!